So I’ve recently started deleting apps off my phone. I want to do things that I used to, mind and soul enriching things. I’ve been kind of passively tracking what I do with my time and realized how much of it is spent staring at my phone. I used to talk for hours, tying up our landline, hungry for the connection and inflection of the words carried on the wires. I can’t remember the last time I did that.
So I’ve been clearing out time killers and picking up books, my knitting, to do lists and scrolling through my contacts list. It’s a weird itch to pick up my phone and do something with it, reflexive and obsessive. It’s alarming how constant it is. And in seeing that I want to cut the cord. I want control of my life and brain again. I want to lower the level of noise in my head and to try to recapture the fiery coals of driven creativity that used to push me to to paint all night, to build and sculpt and coax beauty out of chaos. I miss my muses voice, it’s been too busy in my head to hear her clearly so I’m making room for her again. Who knows what will happen, but that’s the joy of it isn’t it? The not knowing?