I’m sick again. I swear I didn’t even sniffle for the whole two years Cyndi was ill. We were in and out of the hospital, eating crap from the cafeteria, exposed to all sorts of awfulness and not a sneeze. Lower my stress levels and suddenly I’m sick every few weeks. UGH. I’m about to start a full blown immune support campaign for myself. I’m so tired of feeling like crap. I guess it’s normal, other caregivers keep telling me it is. I just feel like it’s not fair that we have been through hell and now I get to feel like shit too. We should be able to celebrate.
Cyndi has been showing more signs of memory loss, it makes us both anxious. They just don’t tell you when you are making your decisions about treatment and care that it will be 6 years before you know how much damage is done. 6 years before the radiation will be done wreaking havoc on your system. We did the best we could with the information we had, I know that. We are better informed and equipped than a lot of people, honestly, and we still walk around second guessing ourselves. Is the cost of survival too high? Was there another option? At this point those thoughts are just crazy-making circles. We have to live with what we have and move forward.